Marathon #2

Wow, it has been far too long since my last update! Sorry!! First graders are kicking my butt :-) On September 21st I ran my second marathon. I can't believe I just typed that- someone pinch me! The girl that never liked to run and never imagined running one has now done two! I went into the Airforce marathon with a plan of only finishing better than last time- lets recap last time!! 20 minute pee break in Chinatown, blistered feet, took shoes off and a finishing time of 4:52. Not a bad time and an amazing experience but I wanted to do a bit better even if only a few minutes. People kept asking me my plan and I really didn't have one for this second race. My friend Julie was convinced I should run with a 4 hour pace group or better yet with her in the 3:55 and I had been blowing her off for weeks about it. So, the day before the race at the expo I finally said to Julie, fine ill sign up for the 3:55 pace group with you and you leave me when I fall behind! I never thought I'd break 4 hours let alone 3:55 but knew that's what Julie wanted to hear and that if I gave in she would shut up!! (Everyone who knows her knows what I'm talking about:-) I love you Julie!!) I knew I needed to have a plan before I actually ran- I mentally was hoping for a 4:15- I knew that I had done all of the training, it had been a bit easier this round, I was faster, weighed less, and was much more prepared mentally for 26.2 miles. On race day it was a mess! We were running late, it was pouring, and we started in the last wave. When we started I told myself that I was going to have fun and enjoy the race. The first 14 miles seemed to fly by! Julie, Rick and I were talking enjoying the course. I did have to pee at mile 13 but opted for the bush instead of a line! I quickly realized that we were on target for a 3:55. Because of our late start it was really hard to feel like I had locked into my pace but felt great. My friend Rick was amazing and got water for me and Gatorade so I could focus on running. The biggest difference was the lack of crowds at this race so I realized it was all up to me, I could not depend on a crowd to carry me to the end. I enjoyed every step of this race- mentally I locked in and just ran! I had a blast and am so thankful to everyone who was cheering me on! 

Here is a finishers picture from last year in Chicago and one from Airforce!! 

Yes, I shaved 63 minutes this year! I am not sure how it happened- it was perfect! I guess I have a clue as to how it happened...I've worked my butt off!! 

Running for a Reason

My marathon is a little over a week away, wow these 18 weeks have flown by! This year there have not been nearly as many tears or bad runs. I am so thankful for everyone that has been training with me. I have some amazing people that have supported every step and every mile. Training for a marathon is not easy...actually it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I thought for sure that this time around it would be easier...not so much! I did know what to expect this time around but as I have pushed myself to a harder training plan and faster runs easy doesn't exist. As I prepare for this race I have to take a moment- breathe and remember why I am running it. I am running it for a few reasons:
1. To prove to myself I can do better than last time - NO PEE BREAKS IN CHINA TOWN!!!
2. Because I never in a million years thought I could...now I can so why not!
3. To overcome that little voice in my head that still says you can't, you will fail, and you're not good enough.
4. To stay healthy
5. For my Cousin Natalie! To help find a cure for Down Syndrome! This is a great cause! Check it out!!!

http://www.crowdrise.com/rdsaf2013/fundraiser/stephanierogers1

2 years later

2 crazy years ago today I decided that I was going to run a half marathon. What was I thinking :-)? Lets recap that day! I had on the wrong shoes, was wearing capris in hot humid weather, didn't know the proper way to fuel, and my training was half way! So, lets just say it was an interesting run! One that I finished, loved, and will never forget! It's impossible to forget that moment of crossing the finish-line knowing you just did something you never even dreamed of! Something I never even thought I was capable of doing!

Welcome to present day! I have now run 8 half marathons, 1 marathon, and countless others for a total of over 50 races. I have realized that my body can do so much more than I ever believed and that I can work and be better and stronger than I ever wanted to believe! Over 100lbs later and countless miles I have gone from running a 2:42 half marathon to best time of 1:44. Today I ran around a 1:51- no PR but I can be nothing but proud. I'm two weeks away from my second marathon and am a better runner than I ever imagined. I now wear the proper shoes, capris only in winter :), and I know how to fuel. I've learned so much about myself in these two years! Through all the sweat- lots of sweat, tons of tears, blisters, and chaffing I have come to know that running is an outlet for me. It's as much physical as mental and something I hold so dear!! I am thankful for each mile! 

The 1,001 time and do you see that?

What an amazing complement to be called skinny by my first inspiration! Sharon was the first person that shared her story with me and listened to me for over a year say that I was tired of being unhappy. She showed me her food log and walked me through that process numerous times. The poor thing dealt with me day after day sitting on her counter at work complaining and never once said I couldn't do it. She always told me I could and probably repeated herself 1,000 times :-) She witnessed me attempt a "Biggest Loser" competition for an entire year and all I did was gain!  This roller coaster of a journey has had it ups and downs and I know it's not even close to over but I am so thankful Sharon investing time and energy in me. When I first met Sharon I did not have much confidence in myself. She has since watched me on this journey as I have come into my own and watched me find my confidence as a teacher, woman, and friend. She saw potential in me and has put me in charge of things I never imagined being able to accomplish or ever having the confidence to attempt. She has trusted me to help with her baby. Acting Out Theater Co...I am pretty sure there is no bigger compliment then being trusted. Sharon has the worlds-highest expectations of herself and those around her- I am sure she has no idea how much I have grown because of these opportunities. Thank you Sharon!!!! Thank you for repeating yourself that 1,001 time when it finally clicked and I decided I was ready to change! Thank you for believing in me and taking moments out of your crazy life for "big ol me!" :-) and now not so big me :-) 

Here are photos from 4 different events! 

A gap...according to its definition it means a break or a space between two objects. Well, guess what....I have a GAP! Where you might ask...between my legs! Ok, I know that actually typing that sentence out it sounds ridiculous!! I am literally laughing out loud! But, for the first time in years my legs don't totally touch! I have defined quad muscles and a gap! I could cry with joy! This means my trainer Ron is not as terrible as I think! The pain is worth the gain! 

Peachtree 10K and Century Ride

I recently went to Atlanta for the NEA-RA (teacher conference) and was very excited to get to see new things. One thing I really wanted to do was run a race...well the only one I could find was sold out. I was bummed but figured I would try and get a bib! You only live once, right?! Well the expo for this race happened to be where the NEA was and I heard they had some extra bibs...so guess what??? I had the amazing opportunity to run the largest 10k in the county!!! The Peachtree 10k in Atlanta, Georgia. What can I say about running in Atlanta...HOT, HUMID, HILLY....did I mention, HOT, HILLY, and HUMID?? It was awesome to see such a huge turn out for a 10k. The crowd was amazing and the people lined up along the streets were hilarious, loud, and crazy. It had not rained in the last 49 years for this race but, this year it poured the entire week of and race morning. Then as the race was starting no more rain. It was a very hot, hilly, humid race but worth every step. To be part of such a huge race was unbelievable. Beautiful scenery and amazing people! I did not run this race for a PR and was just running...I was not even sure what my last 10k time was. I was pretty pumped to find out that I did PR by 31 seconds! I can say no complaints from running in Atlanta!! 10K time- 53:15

This past week a friend has asked if I had ever ridden a century bike ride and my answer was NO! Actually, I had never really thought of riding one. I have had my bike for awhile and only ridden about 90 miles this year so far. My friends had been calling my bike Rusty :-) I have wanted to get out on the bike more but marathon training is a tad bit time consuming. I decided that heck why not...I thought that I could do it..I knew my legs could do it but was not so sure about my butt! We started in Hammond Indiana, rode through downtown Chicago, and ended in Kenosha Wisconsin. Talk about a perfect Saturday! Riding is so much fun! It was so peaceful, beautiful, and almost indescribable. It is the greatest way to just think and question life. I am officially hooked on this bike thing! I am not sure what makes it so amazing..maybe great company, a new experience, places I've never been??? All I can say is sign me up!!!

Hmmmm

A friend recently said to me..."running has changed your life...But don't let it define you." I have been completely perplexed by this statement for days now. At first I was thinking "screw you what in the world do you know!" and then I thought hmmm do I appear to be letting running define me? I am not sure I have a clear cut answer for my own question. I can say that yes running has changed my life in so many amazing ways. It has given me a feeling of freedom, shown me that I am so much stronger than I ever imagined, given me some of the best friends a girl could ask for, given me the most amazing experiences, and allowed me to push myself father than I ever thought possible. I am able to use running and its many parallels to this journey I am on in my own life as I become healthy...but does it define me?

As I ponder this question I think to myself what defines me?...what defines a person?

I believe that what defines me is:

 My beliefs and what I stand for. You may not agree with me and that is ok but I am free to my beliefs and you yours.

My dedication to things: whether it's running, school, biking, being healthy...when I start something I finish it.

Teaching: I am living my dream every time I walk into my classroom...this is one of the places I am happiest.

My Character: Who I am when no one is watching and what you see on a daily basis on the good days and the bad.

I think that life goes in seasons and those seasons change with time, experiences, age, and events. At this point in my life running is a huge part of that and I hope that running will always be important. I think that running is a part of what defines me but I also believe I am defined by so much more. I would hope that I do not appear to be defined by a sport. I hope that I show others that you can define yourself by choices you make. I am making choices everyday that change my definition of me and show that hard work pays off. Two years ago my definition of myself would have been simply teaching, I did not have confidence in much more, now I am confident, loving life, and attempting to live in the moments presented to me! What defines me is my love and passion to constantly push myself to its limits and be better than I was the day before. This is done daily through working out, my friends pushing me to question myself, teaching and adapting to the unplanned moments, and attempting to live in the moments as the truest person I can.


Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. 
Barack Obama 

It's up to me

 

I am always the person who is planning runs with others! I hate running alone! I work out with my trainer 3 days a week. The longest distance I have run alone is maybe 4 in a really long time. I do not mind a short run 3-4 miles alone but other than that is as much physical and working out as it is social for me. Many of my friends run and work out and I enjoy doing the things we love with them. This week I am in Atlanta for the NEA-RA conference and I have been dreading the workouts and running for months. Truly, I considered taking a week off from running and weights for the week I was here. That would mean a week off of marathon training…THAT WOULD NOT BE TOO SMART! On the plane ride here I was sketching out some workouts that I am helping some friends with and was getting so frustrated at the thought of having to work out this week alone. It is hard to explain, I know how to run I have proven that..I have had a trainer for what seems like forever and my friends ask me (yes me…who would have ever thought) for advice…but the thought of having to have a week alone is killer. After much debate on Sunday I knew that I had to run…..it’s in my plan! If I am going to train I have to follow my plan….plan my race, race my plan! I did it (no praise needed!) millions do it every day alone. Why is this alone thing so hard for me??I took a bit of time last night while running to ponder this question. Since day one I have made every choice in my journey for me…some might say selfishly but that’s their opinion. I have done what I have needed to in order to take control of my life…I am not going to let anyone or anything determine my path. Everyone that knows me will agree I am all about social time and I need others to hold me accountable…I am not sure why…why can’t I just do this! Hmmm. I am not sure I have a good answer for that but I do know that as I was running through Olympic Park and past Martin Luther King Jrs birth home I remembered why I started this whole journey. I did this because I was unhappy and ultimately it is up to me. I decide what I put into my mouth…is this candy worth it? I decide do I run today…with others or without! I started this because I wanted a different path. I wanted and want to be healthy and to be happy! I want to feel good about the woman looking back at me in the mirror. Running is the one sport where the only person I am competing with is ME! Every race, every day, every time I tie my shoes, and every first step…the only person who can decide of it is really worth it is me. I am the only part of the equation that does not change by day, by weather, by friendships of the moments, and by races. No matter what anyone else says or thinks I started this for me…and I will sure as heck continue this for me. Many moments throughout this journey I know that they only thing that kept me going was the other people believing in me…but when alone in Atlanta and wanting others to run with me…the only one that is in control and that can make me take that first step is me!

Running in Atlanta has been beautiful! I have seen some amazing things and run some killer hills. Today was a rough one because it was hot and pouring so I was forced to run on the darn TREADMILL! I hate that thing! I have a hatred for that thing that is greater than you know J But I did it! I have even done arms and core on my own! I would not want to always work out alone..or really ever at all but I can!

Healthy

It's been a long time since my last post and I have lots to say! I will do a running and biking post later this week. Last, week was a milestone..I went to the gym and had a body analysis done. Now, lets back up a bit and say that for my entire adult life I've been scared of the scale, the doctors comments, and the truth of the numbers that were usually given to me. Everyone always used the words overweight, obese, fat, and unhealthy. The doctor would say eat less and be active. I was never "good enough" and was never "where I should be." The dreaded nurse saying.."you've put on a few pounds since your last visit." Looking back I can say that I do not remember looking in the mirror and seeing the old me..I am not sure why, but I do not remember looking that way. Obviously I did and I know I was unhappy but I convinced myself that it was "NOT THAT BAD!"

 I have spent countless hours working to be healthy and get fit. I can finally say that my hard work has made the doctors shut up! They can no longer tell me I am obese, over weight, or fat!!! My BMI  and Percent Body Fat are both in the HEALTHY RANGE!! Yes, you are reading that correct....Stephanie Rogers is healthy....text book definition healthy! Some will now say so what in the world can you possibly have to say...you are good to go. Well, that is not true! I have toning to do, workouts to maintain, races to run, and a healthy life to continue. I still look in the mirror and see flaws, but I also see how hard work, dedication, and determination do pay off! I have had many say I couldn't, wouldn't, and am not good enough. Well guess what....I did, have, and am! I am worth this. I am worth working for, I am worth the time this is taking, I am good enough to be happy. I have said time and time again that half of this journey is emotional and the little voice inside my head...I am finally overcoming that little voice that for years has told me no. I am out loud and proud saying yes I can and have.

This journey is so far from over and continues everyday. It is a daily choice to workout, eat healthy, and want this. I have lots of work left, tons of dedication and people to show that this is possible and worth it. I still have a choice to make everyday.. is that calorie worth eating? Is this workout worth skipping? Is this mile worth running? I will not let food define me ever again...I will not hide behind food, fat, and others. I have a story that is worth telling and deserve to who I truly am. I am not done learning and am looking forward to so much more.

I have had these results for about a week now and have really been trying to decide what is next so here are a few of my goals..

*find self rewards that are NOT food related- this is so hard! (I loose a pound and celebrate with ice cream...what the heck that is so messed up!)

*continue to work on being happy with my reflection and the skin that is left behind. (not easy, every time I look in the mirror I see what's left of bad choices and emotional eating)

*continue to tone and maintain. (I will NOT allow myself to go back! My friends...seriously you have my permission to call me out!!!)

*continue to blog and maybe look into personal training/ coaching of others.

This is a picture of the past 3 times I have run the Soldier Field 10mile race...year is on top and time is on the bottom 

Trails, long runs, and friends

I have said this since the start that I am not a fan of trail running...well this is why

- EVERYONE FALLS!! - yup first fall! I face planed pretty hard..ok I am sure it was funny to watch :) What a crazy half marathon that was! I finished in 2:05 not bad for my first trail half. Not only did I run 13.1 but I am a crazy nut that agreed to run with my friends who are training for the full marathon. I ended up running 20 miles! I felt great...now I will be honest here and say that at mile 18ish I was wanting to kill my friends and myself for being so easily convinced into their foolishness :-) It was a great day and I know that when I decide to run a full again I will do so much better than my first. It is a great feeling to know that I have the ability to run 20 miles...I never in my wildest dreams thought I would like running...let alone hey I feel like running 20 miles with my nutty friends! 

I just turned 28 on Saturday..yes I know I am not very old :-) I can say with 100% certainty that I am healthier than I have ever been! I am not only healthier but I am happier. I am starting to love myself and open myself up and allow amazing people into my life.  

This is me in 2006- over weight, not happy, and letting food control me! 

Today, I feel great, am starting to like the reflection I see, and have amazing friends. 

I am always a person that makes the best of any situation and I have amazing memories of when I was bigger, but I am slowly discovery how much happier I truly am! This journey has been one many tears, frustrations, ups, downs, and life changes. I am not done with this journey I have more work to do but today I want to dedicate this some great people who have been with me from the start and joined me along the way for this journey! 

 Talk about loving me for me no matter my weight!!! 

2 amazing women who have joined me for this journey :-) 

My Nazi running friend and go to free dietitian!

Rock Star Friends that push me to my limits! 

 The one and only Mike :-) Enough Said! :We have a competition to win, suck it up buttercup, we're not training for a 5k! That's just a few famous quotes :-)  

My amazing morning running partner who had guts enough to let me join her bright and early one morning...and now I hate missing those runs!!! Thanks for saying sure that day and running countless miles in the worst weather day after day! You have pushed me to burn hundreds and thousands of calories! You even helped me train for my marathon....we are running one together next year! :-) 

This picture stands for KRRC- every mile we have logged, every friendship I have made, every blister I have popped, and the group that has helped my find my love for running! Thanks for accepting me for my weight, my craziness, my drama, and my love of this sport! 

Final Weigh in and New PR

Here they are...the results!!

Starting weight 178.6- today 147.6. Original fat mass pounds 65.9- today 35.6. Body fat originally 36.9% today 24.1%. Do you know what this means???? I am no longer in the obese category or unhealthy range on that stupid chart!!! That is what this is about...this is not about being "skinny" this is about being healthy! I can say that I am healthy and the numbers prove it!!! I was the "Fittest Loser" at my gym for the second time! WOOT WOOT!! TIME FOR SOME NEW CLOTHES!!  This is by far the greatest birthday present I could have ever given myself. I am about to be 28 and I have a long life ahead of me...what a better present then to start year 28 the healthiest I have ever been. I am healthier and happier than ever. I have the greatest friends and support system a girl could ever want or need! This has been a week to remember...I ran a 5k last Saturday and smashed my old PR. Not only am I in a new decade with my weight the 140's but I am in a new place with running. I am in the 23 minute zone :-) Yes, you read that right I ran my last 5k in 23:19!!

What is next you may ask....well I am asking myself that as well. I would like to figure out what number I should be at and maintain within about 5 lbs, this means I have, I think 7-10lbs left to lose then I can begin to figure out how to maintain that. I know that I have made healthy new habits but now I need to learn to maintain them. Food has been a crutch of mine for years and the fear of coming back to that moment is very real...I know I can do this- it will take more time, patients, and healthy life choices! That's the answer key to this journey...I am not making moment long choices, I am making life long decisions to be the healthiest and fittest me I can create. I am going to stumble (I have), I am going to freak out (I do), I am going to cry (I have), but what I won't do is allow myself to give up, lose, or quit! I will NOT go back to that person that hid under 88 pounds of fat and hid behind others!! I will be me....I will be strong...I will give 110%...I will push myself.....I will surround myself by people who love me for me and want all of these things for me!

This girl is gone...

 

 

 

 

This woman is here to stay!!!

One weekend left

I have only 3 days left until my final weigh in at the gym. No matter if I win or not I know deep down that I have done everything I can. I have worked my hardest and more determined than ever. I have done everything possible and can be nothing but happy with myself! My goal is to continue to stay healthy this weekend and remember that I've got this! I can be nothing but proud at my weigh in on Monday! Now some will ask what's next and I will answer that on Monday! Here is to a great Easter weekend and remember how far I've come and that I can and am doing this!!

New Decade and Fears

What a crazy month it has been. I am so TIRED :-) Good tired, but tired. I have been working out 6 days a week and changing things up. My boot camp class ended last week! What a crazy class that was. We were doing things I was not sure I could do. I was pushed to a whole new level! Shout out to my friends for putting up with me during that class. Some may find this hard to believe sometimes I whine about things that are hard :-) This past week I entered a new decade with my weight. I am now in the 150's!! WOOHOOO!!!!!! I did not really believe the scale at first. I made someone step on the scale and make sure it was right. I can not explain the shock when I saw that number- it was a moment I was not sure I would ever see. I have to say that I am my own worst enemy. I am the first to say I can't, to say it won't happen, to doubt, and to be negative. I have a hard time when people give me compliments and want to say why it is not true (if you say I look good I will always point out a negative). I am working on it I swear. I want to learn to be gracious and allow myself to be happy in my progress and see what others see. It's just not as easy as that for me. 

 

As I continue to see changes in my body and see the number go down I still have fears. I really thought that as I got "skinnier" these things would become easier. I can not say that is true. Somethings are a bit easier- walking past the cupcakes in the lounge, choosing to not eat the pizza today, and making myself go to the gym- these things are easier and when I want to jump off the deep end I will send a text or call a friend and I pull myself back together. I wish I could find that will power all from myself, but I am just not there yet. It is so easy to let someone talk me into a lunch out or a small cookie and I know that those things are what had me in the 240's two years ago. I want this so bad and finding that small habits are things that are hardest to break...one thing I never really realized is that I snack on candy it is only one piece a day but I was not even aware sometimes that I was eating it. A friend at work has a "fox box" loaded with candy and everyday after lunch I would go in and grab a piece....I would not even be hungry and I was not writing those calories down. Oh, no big deal you say...well 60 calories in a big deal and that adds up. That was purely a habit something I have done since I started teaching here. 

I am still fearful of parties and snack food. Coming up in the next two weeks I have two baby showers- it is so easy to say, oh just don't eat but, it is not that easy. My favorite response is, eat a meal before you go- oh great idea, then when I eat at the party I have consumed even more calories- it's a crazy mess by the end!  Then we have Easter Sunday- lot's of crap food! My biggest fear is spring break (yes I am well aware that most people would die to have a week off, but it is my worst nightmare)- the last week of March (the week before my final weigh in) is break. This means no set schedule, no routine, no work, and lots of time to just be. Sounds great and relaxing right....not for me. For me this means home watching TV and useless snacking, eating out with friends at places I don't normally go, and lots of opportunity to blow it. I wish I could sit here and type that I have this thing mastered and bring on spring break but I am not there yet. I am better than I would have been last year but I am not where I want to be. When I get bored at home I eat yes I will pick up a banana but then I follow that with yogurt, string cheese, and an apple...so in the end I have consumed far to many calories without realizing it. I am going to take break day by day and really be accountable to myself and hope that I can do it. My worst nightmare would be gaining the week before my final weigh in! 

"Beautiful" Progress

As I thought today what I wanted to blog about a few things came into my mind. One being beauty (inside and out) and then my progress.

Let’s start with the beauty- I have lived my life longing to look a certain way. Wanting to be a certain size, see a certain number on the scale and wanting to wear certain things. I think that wanting to be healthy is a great thing but, I cannot let society tell me what should make me happy and beautiful. For so long I have wanted to fit this “mold” not that I am really sure what that looks like on me,  but when I look in the mirror what I currently see does not meet  the mystical “mold” I think I should see. As a woman this is my biggest struggle being what society sees as beautiful. As I was listening to my Ipod this morning this song came on:

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

As I was on my way to work I realized that I may never fit the “mold.” It kills me to type that…but that’s really ok, I never want to just be beautiful on the outside. Being beautiful is so much more than what I look at in the mirror. People that have been there for me have seen my internal beauty this whole time. They have loved me, cared for me, helped me, picked me up, and pushed me to be the best me I can be (yes I know that sounds ridiculous and like a Hallmark Card!) because they have loved me on the inside first. This mystical “mold” and ‘magic” number on the scale will change with the newest fad but I need to consistent in who I am deep down. I need to be sure that I am always working from the inside out so people know that no matter my size I am beautiful!

Progress: I am down 18.4 pounds and gained over a pound of muscle! That is amazing and I cannot believe it! I have to be honest and say that the scale is not what is driving me at this moment….sometimes the number does yes, but right now it is the little things I see that I want to continue to get better at . I can now hold a plank for over 2 minutes….WOOOHOOO, I can use sliders on my feet and pull myself across the floor farther than ever and without putting my knees down!  I am using weights in class I never imagined I could and am seeing muscles I never knew existed! These things are constant reminders that I can do this….when the image in the mirror is telling me one thing the proof is screaming at me. I can do this and it is a journey – it has ups and downs but it is worth every tear, every step, and every 5:00am workout. My goal this week is to remember that people love me for me and what is inside and if the outside looks fantastic that a bonus!

 

There is no definition of beauty, but when you can see someone's spirit coming through, something unexplainable, that's beautiful to me.
Liv Tyler
Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.
Sophia Loren

Inspiration

Someone recently asked me where I get my inspiration to keep working towards this goal even when it has taken me this long. After, pondering this question for a few days I think I have a decent answer. I find inspiration from all around me. Originally when I first "tried" to loose weight and "thought" I was ready I failed. My friend told me if I was not ready then I would not be successful. I thought she was crazy! I remember when she showed me how she wrote down her calories in a notebook- I laughed inside (now, currently mine is next to me in my purse) Well, Sharon you were right :-) I failed miserably and played the yo-yo game for over a year. I spent countless mornings and afternoons on the counter at work "talking" about how much I wanted it. Eventually I went from talking to acting...so, I guess my first inspiration is Sharon who talked with me about loosing weight and how to do it and listened to my cry and whine for over a year! May I also add..... she has a great story of how she took control and now looks UNBELIEVABLE! Secondly, I take inspiration from all of the people on my life that have loved me at my heaviest and all the sizes in between. They never looked at me as fat or wavered in their loyalty based on my size. And Crystal you have seen me at my worst 2am Taco Bell runs (paying in change,) Big Macs, and pizza all in the same week during college. Now you put up with low fat, low carb, and more veggies than you would like! Thanks for you constant kindness and support on a daily basis and reminding me always that I can do this! Next, my inspiration comes from my friends that make a healthy life style a priority. I have learned countless things from my friends. They have cried with me and celebrated with me. I take inspiration from each of their stories and successes! I am one of the luckiest girls in the word because I have an amazing set of friends that I can call on anytime anywhere. I might not like that they are telling me to put the cake-pop down but in the end I will thank them. I may hate them all every Wednesday during boot camp, but I know that when I want a lunch date I can call them. I may want to kill them as they are yelling at me to work harder and run faster, but it is and always has been because I matter to them (I love you my two Nazi friends)! I am reminded almost daily on this journey that I could not do this alone. The phrase it takes a village to raise a child-I think it should be- it takes an army to keep you healthy! Oh and man how could I forget my crazy trainer. This guy has pushed me to the limit hundreds of times. He takes none of my whining and crying. He knows when he needs to be a jerk and how to handle me in my crazy moments. THANKS RON for pushing me through this journey! At the end of the day he inspires me to work harder and be tougher than I ever thought I could be. Another thing that I am inspired by is all of my friends that are parents and find the time to work out! I think I am busy...and you have kids!! You all inspire me to get out of bed in the morning! Beth- I would not get out of bed ever in -6 degree weather if it were not for the fact that I know you are waiting for me! You are a rock star and a true inspiration! Finally, I think I can say I now find inspiration from inside myself. I have a goal and determination that will eventually get to where I want to be! It may take me another year but I will do it!! In my journey I finally hit the point where talking, whining and crying were not going to change me. I had to lace up my shoes and run that first 5k a little over two years ago! It was the that first past the start line that has had me running to where I am today! (thanks Nichole!)

Super Bowl and Sucesses

Yesterday was the dreaded day....Supe Bowl Sunday. I must say that I will consider this a successful day with food. I ate tons of veggies, had two cake pops, 1/4 cup of chicken dip that was low fat, and 1/2 cup of low fat artichoke dip. I also had a serving of baked chips! I did awesome considering that at dinner time I had 1200 calories left to eat!! :-) It was a great feeling to know that I was in control! It was a great time and for the first time ever at a party I did not feel drawn toward the food. I enjoyed myself ate the things I wanted but in a much more controlled way. This was the first time I have left a party and not felt completely stuffed! SUCCESS!!

Yesterday I ran my first 5k of the year....it was a great run. Not a PR run but a great run. I have decided that I can not be focusing on PR's...I need to focus on dropping the pounds. I am trying to always see the little steps of progress I have made. I know that with time the pounds will come off. When I am not seeing the number I want I am trying to look at the other things. Here are some exciting things I have noticed!

I can do a side plank properly
I was able to try on and fit into a hoodie from Hollister- no I did not buy it.. yet :-)
I ran a 5k in 25:41 a day after a 7mile run, combat class,  pump class, and two days after leg day with my trainer.
I am able to walk away from carb loaded food in the lounge
I am able to find enjoyment in other parts of life that are not food
I have the greatest friends who are winning this Fittest Loser Challenge with me ;- )
I am down 10 pounds in 4 weeks- current weigh in was 166.4!
I am starting to feel so much better about myself when I look into the mirror

Changing things up

      Changing it up is the name of the game this round! Yes, I am still running! Yes, I am still going to the gym but, things are a bit different! I am now doing a cardio session with my trainer (which I figured hell I'm a marathon runner...this will be easy! Ha I was wrong!) that is the toughest 30 minute session ever!! I am also doing a boot camp class with some of my friends! Talk about the hardest hour of my life :) I felt like I was on the Biggest Loser Ranch! I would not and could not do that class if it were not for my amazing friends! The laughter makes the sweat worth it! As we were running a few laps around the track tonight a friend reminded me that being comfortable and jogging is not going to change things! I've got to be ready to push myself to new heights and do it a bit different this round! Yes last year I do great and I kept off the weight I wanted to but I'm ready to finish this up and get to my final goal!!
    I would love to say that this is easy and that I am 100% confident in myself that I can and will finish this. I am about 70% most of the time that I can do this! It is a moment by moment journey for me. Sometimes I think "wow, I really have changed and I can do this!" Other times when I let the food win or I have a crappy workout I think "what's the point." This is a life changer for me and I am not the same person I was 4 years ago! Today on my way home I heard this song: I thought heck...worst case I will just keep running :) Giving up is not an option- yes it floats through my head way more than I actually want to admit, but I am going somewhere and have already ended up somewhere different!
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavementsEven if it leads nowhere?Or would it be a waste even if I knew my placeShould I leave it there?Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavementsEven if it leads nowhere? 
    Guess what this weekend is ?!?! Super Bowl Sunday...WOOOOHOOO....I HATE FOOTBALL :-) So, for me it means food, friends, food, fun, food, oh and did I mention food?! You see, I like chips, dips, pizza, wings, and absolutely anything you need a toothpick to eat!! These are the times where I feel very out of control with my eating. I am a grazer and I can eat and eat and eat and eat without even realizing it! The more I talk the more I eat, the longer I am in the situation the more I eat! Part of me wants to stay at home with my sugar free Jello and 94% fat free popcorn. BUT I WON'T. I will win this freaking food battle somehow.....even if it means using my very cute pink polka dotted duct tape!!

      I have consistently logged my food for the past 23 days and done really well calorie wise. I've allowed myself to go over my calories by no more than 400 one day a week! The past two weeks I have done my cheat meal with a friend that is loosing weight too, so that is fun to get to celebrate a bit each week.

Week 2

Two weeks in and I'm not ready to die or kill anyone so that is a positive start :-) I am really trying to stay within my calories and work my butt off whenever possible! For the first time the other day I saw my reflection in the door at school and thought "who in the heck is that person?!" I actually liked the picture that was looking back at me. I'm not totally happy because I know I have a lot more work to do, but for one of the first times I can remember I was content with that person looking back at me! I don't know what has taken so long but I thought "wow, I look pretty good!" Now, please don't take that as I think I'm the hottest thing around....PLEASE, I have a muffin top to lose and will be the first to tell you I have big thighs. The list is endless of what I think but the fact I noticed is huge, I rarely see the good I always look at what's left instead of what I've done.

This past week a billboard went up from my gym and I was on it. It was so strange to see it up close yesterday! It was huge!! It was really unreal to see a before and current picture up like that. It is definitely a reminder of the progress I have made! I'm not done but I'm on the right path!

Week 1

It has been 7 days on this new 90 day journey. It has been a tough but good week. I thought that my eating would be harder than it has been. I have done more weights this week than in the past and am changing up my cardio. 1700 calories have been very tolerable. I am eating much cleaner and healthier- lots of egg whites, lean protein, and not many carbs. The longer I am on this journey the more I am realizing that I can not and WILL NOT do this on my own. It is taking a great support team. I have friends willing to tell me to put the candy down, make a better choice, run faster, and work out harder. I am so lucky to have these people around me. I know that many go on this journey alone and I am so thankful for those few people who can call me out in love and kindness. I have always been a pretty self conscious person, but I have finally opened my heart and allowed people in. I have a few people who can look at me and say "you're trying to loose that muffin top, right??- so run faster!!" It is that moment when I realize that people do care and people do want to see me succeed. It is the little things this time that I am finding most helpful. Things like- people asking me what I am eating, texting people pictures of tough moments like candy being on the lounge table at work, cleaning out the candy from my desk, and simply being able to tell people it's a rough day. I know that not everyone needs others, or can handle people being very frank and to the point but, for me..this round it is working and what I need!
Thank you FRIENDS!!!

Here are a few pictures that I have shared with others this week! 

Day one- I receive a very cute late Christmas gift filled with my favorite candy! REALLY!!! Talk about temptation! I can proudly say I gave them to my students :)

Lunch

I baked a fun cake with my friend's son, I sure did get a text making sure I was not eating the entire cake :-) I ate about a cupcakes worth with very little icing! Sounds like a small thing but that was a huge success for me!!  

New found favorite oatmeal! Blueberry from Starbucks! 

Candy I said NO to that was on the lounge table! 

This picture is a tad embarrassing, this is the candy that I cleaned out of my desk! 

yummy bread free sandwich! 

Amazing egg white muffins loaded with veggies!  Made them today for the week

Making sugar free Jello- great sweet snack and very low cal! Add 1Tbs of light whip cream and 1 cup of jello less than 50 calories!