The Road We Make by Running (Walking)

The Road We Make by Running (Walking) – My title is a play on words from a sermon series at my church based on the book We Make the Road by Walking by Brian Mclaren. The idea is that our faith is a journey in the making. That it continues to grow and evolve as we learn, change, emerge, and mature. That is exactly it- this journey to be me idea. The journey changes, life happens- but we have to keep walking! I am not done, life is a process, and I have to keep on running (well, at this point walking!) I can do this again!

 

This is a long overdue blog post. This post is one that I have been avoiding for a while…because it is an admittance that I have fallen way off the wagon!!! Let’s start with a quick recap of my last year and a half- LOTS OF CRAZY, HUGE LIFE CHANGES, LAZINESS! That pretty much sums it up! Now let me also say the last year and a half has been full of lots of fun, new adventures, and amazing people. My goal is to get myself back to loving the gym and running. I have fallen out of love with a sport that means so much to me. It seems that when something is no longer a habit it is not fun- or because it has gotten harder I don’t like it! This is a post of a new start to get back where I know I can be. I know how to do this, I know what it takes, and I know it is possible. Allow me to recap my run yesterday morning- EVERY STEP WAS TERRIBLE!! I felt like I was dying and it was a super short run. I had to walk. As I was walking I reminded myself that this life is a journey and we have to walk before we can run. Sometimes it is a one foot in front of the other circumstance- and right now my running is just that. A just keep moving, keep doing it, and don’t give up circumstance.

I am very excited that this time I am not on this journey solo. I have the chance and privilege to have a side kick that is willing to go the distance! She let me get her started in the crazy sport of running so why not fall in love with it again- together. I am still seeing my trainer and Sarah works out with me- if only working out meant you could eat whatever you wanted all the time…right?!?! The concept of calories in and calories out- dumb math (ruins that concept!)  Here is to the next 9-10 months of ups, downs, tears, butt kickings, and so much more!!! A new start on this journey, a new fork in the road.

Pictures and Numbers will be up this week! 

A new chapter in my story and when the picture doesn't lie

So here we are, a long time since my last post. So, this journey that I am on is a daily battle within myself to make choices. Choices that I can tell you- I know the answers- I know what to do- I know how to do it. This is not just a battle it truly is a life style.  A life style that has recently fallen to the wayside in most areas. Yes I am still running (well sort of) and working out but when the calories in are more than the calories out you gain weight.  I was in a boot for 4-6 weeks over the summer and that killed my running! In all honestly I had some huge life changes as I do not do well with stress and change- but seriously how long can I use that excuse. I allowed stress to win, crazy to win, and chose to withdraw from the world (this was needed for a time but no longer!). I knew I had gained a few pounds but not the almost 35 that I have now come to accept as of today! Today was another wake up call for me that this is always going to be a struggle for me and I will always have to be conscious of what I am putting into my body. I am not asking for sympathy or anything because I KNOW I CAN AND WILL GET IT OFF. I feel that it is so important to show that this journey is not always flowers, glitter, and rainbows. It is the hardest race I have ever run and one that I will be in for a lifetime!! When your addiction is food it is what you turn to when stressed, happy, celebrating, mourning, hungry, and what not. I have let that win this time because of life- but it has won the battle not the war!!

I am a school teacher and this is the start of the holiday season LORD HELP ME STAY OUT OF THE LOUNGE!!!! I have made it this far in this journey and I am determined to not let food get the best of me!!! I wish I could say that this is only a once in a while struggle but it’s not! It is every meal, every snack, every gathering, everyday! When your crutch is what you need to live it is hard. I wish I was not a foodie I wish I hated sweets. I can see that finding a balance and finding a way to maintain will be hard. I am currently entering crazy mode- I will get to where I want to be ASAP!! I will not let food win this one!! NOT TODAY! NOT TOMORROW! NOT EVER!! Stress, being busy, being lazy- yep those are my excuses- well not anymore!! It is time to put back on my big girl panties and get serious again. This roller coaster journey is coming out of the dark time and rising back to the top. I want to be the best and healthiest I can because I feel better, look better, am a better friend, and am capable of anything! I can't get to Boston in this shape!! 

Here is to a new beginning!! I am writing my story, my way, and with the ending I want!! One of me healthy, happy, and not giving in! 

Here you are all my friends that want to say “no you have not gained weight” I beg to differ with you and the picture does not lie!!

The left is me at my lowest about 155 last September- the right is the most recent at about 190 

A new grade a new perspective

As this journey has contined I have learned so much about myself and others. I know some people think I'm crazy and have totally lost my mind, others push me to the breaking point, some ask me to experience new challenges(100 mile bike rides, swimming, ultras), and some join me for this ride. I've met people in the most unexpected places(Atlanta, through Facebook, the gym, church) and realized that people accept and like me for what they see- not what I think I see! I can't help that I post and blog about my passions, successes, and struggles. I'm not sorry for that. I'm simply showing that this can be done but im not sugar coating the commitment, time, tears, pain, blisters, chaffing, and emotional changes it will take. I've changed and I know that...I've lost connections with some and need to fix that.

 This journey is and has been full of ups, downs, and unforgettable life changing experiences who make me who am today. 6 years ago I was a scared girl who was afraid of what her 4th grade students were saying about her. I heard them, they called me fat, huge, gigantic. Kids are mean- but honest. I remember a student asking me if I always ate chips for breakfast...wow! The answer? Yes! They saw my every move and they judged it. I was so scared to have fun with my students at times and let loose because I knew they made fun of me sometimes. I have always given 100% to job but I can say that I'm better now than I was. I'm now a better example to students, a better role model, more self confident, and so much happier. Most know that I was moved to first grade this year- I know that I would not have handled it very well 5-6 years ago. I didn't believe in myself!  But, now I take challenges head on. I now think I've run a marathon, an ultra marathon, and biked 100 miles through 3 states- 1st grade bring it on! I love nothing more than the excitement in my kids eyes when surprise them in gym and run laps with them, when I jump rope outside, and when I swing(I can actually fit on the swing!) next to them and we talk about the latest episode of Phineasas and Ferb they watched. The moments I can now experience with them without fear. Kids will always be brutally honest but I can now take it :) no fear. I'm still it always the most confident but man I'm better than I've ever been. 

Ms Rogers dressing up for the 100th day :) 

I'm not sure what this new year will bring. Yes I'm working loosing a bit more weight- I'm back down to 156- more pounds to go but it will happen!

 My hope is to be more selfless this year. Do things for others because of the joy it will bring them! Experience little moments with my friends. Allow myself to be pushed and challenged professionally and physically. Slow down and not miss the small successes when I still see the muffin top and extra skin. Allow people to get to know me without the walls be thankful for the new friendships I'm finding in a place that feels like home! 

I'm going to live in the moment and try to see things more simply- like a 1st grader!

A friend recently said something to me that at the time I blew off- I was asked "aren't you worth it? Aren't you better

Than that? The answer then I couldn't give- now I can say yup!!! I'm not perfect and don't have all the answers but one thing is for sure- 

No time for negative Nancy- only positive Paulies! 

Welcome to 2014- no where but healthier from here

What a year 2013 was! I ran my second marathon, ran the biggest 10k in the country, have the worlds greatest supporters and found that I enjoy getting muddy in mud races. Well, one might ask what's in store in 2014?? Im not completely sure but here is what I know:

This is how far I've come! 

But more work is needed and I was not good over the holidays- so I know this- moving on and making better choices! 

 

*Continue operation kill my muffin top!! I have gained a few pounds- ok 6 maybe 7 depending on the day. No biggie most would say but I have not lost over 100 for nothing and I refuse to undo years of hard work! I just got a fitbit and am pretty excited to use it and to finish this crazy ride with getting to 135!!! 

*im going to run a marathon on my birthday!! Not only is it on my birthday but in my favorite city in the world!! ST. Louis!! ' Woohoo! I and her ironman husband convinced my friend Beth that a marathon was a good idea! Lol she may hate me by the end of this ;-) 

*Continue to work my butt off at the gym giving everything I do my all!! I want to become stronger and leaner this year! 

*Make sure I make time for me in the midst of my busy life

*Make time for my friends!! Old and New!! Remember it's not all about running and racing- enjoy each other outside of these things! 

*Try a dinner club- see if I can force my friends to commit to one night a month 

So here it is!!! The muffin top- this photo is of me about 5lbs lighter than I am now but this what has got to go! I know and understand that I have 100lbs of skin but I can and will tighten and firm this sucker more than ever before this year!! No girl wants that hanging over every pair of pants!!! So there it is 2014- my inner demon the reveal of the muffin top!!! It will get small! It has shrunk! It was one called the monster but is not a little monster but needs to be an itty bitty monster!!! So all my friends if it's bad for me and I'm about to eat it- knock it out of my hands!!! 

Marathon #2

Wow, it has been far too long since my last update! Sorry!! First graders are kicking my butt :-) On September 21st I ran my second marathon. I can't believe I just typed that- someone pinch me! The girl that never liked to run and never imagined running one has now done two! I went into the Airforce marathon with a plan of only finishing better than last time- lets recap last time!! 20 minute pee break in Chinatown, blistered feet, took shoes off and a finishing time of 4:52. Not a bad time and an amazing experience but I wanted to do a bit better even if only a few minutes. People kept asking me my plan and I really didn't have one for this second race. My friend Julie was convinced I should run with a 4 hour pace group or better yet with her in the 3:55 and I had been blowing her off for weeks about it. So, the day before the race at the expo I finally said to Julie, fine ill sign up for the 3:55 pace group with you and you leave me when I fall behind! I never thought I'd break 4 hours let alone 3:55 but knew that's what Julie wanted to hear and that if I gave in she would shut up!! (Everyone who knows her knows what I'm talking about:-) I love you Julie!!) I knew I needed to have a plan before I actually ran- I mentally was hoping for a 4:15- I knew that I had done all of the training, it had been a bit easier this round, I was faster, weighed less, and was much more prepared mentally for 26.2 miles. On race day it was a mess! We were running late, it was pouring, and we started in the last wave. When we started I told myself that I was going to have fun and enjoy the race. The first 14 miles seemed to fly by! Julie, Rick and I were talking enjoying the course. I did have to pee at mile 13 but opted for the bush instead of a line! I quickly realized that we were on target for a 3:55. Because of our late start it was really hard to feel like I had locked into my pace but felt great. My friend Rick was amazing and got water for me and Gatorade so I could focus on running. The biggest difference was the lack of crowds at this race so I realized it was all up to me, I could not depend on a crowd to carry me to the end. I enjoyed every step of this race- mentally I locked in and just ran! I had a blast and am so thankful to everyone who was cheering me on! 

Here is a finishers picture from last year in Chicago and one from Airforce!! 

Yes, I shaved 63 minutes this year! I am not sure how it happened- it was perfect! I guess I have a clue as to how it happened...I've worked my butt off!! 

Running for a Reason

My marathon is a little over a week away, wow these 18 weeks have flown by! This year there have not been nearly as many tears or bad runs. I am so thankful for everyone that has been training with me. I have some amazing people that have supported every step and every mile. Training for a marathon is not easy...actually it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I thought for sure that this time around it would be easier...not so much! I did know what to expect this time around but as I have pushed myself to a harder training plan and faster runs easy doesn't exist. As I prepare for this race I have to take a moment- breathe and remember why I am running it. I am running it for a few reasons:
1. To prove to myself I can do better than last time - NO PEE BREAKS IN CHINA TOWN!!!
2. Because I never in a million years thought I could...now I can so why not!
3. To overcome that little voice in my head that still says you can't, you will fail, and you're not good enough.
4. To stay healthy
5. For my Cousin Natalie! To help find a cure for Down Syndrome! This is a great cause! Check it out!!!

http://www.crowdrise.com/rdsaf2013/fundraiser/stephanierogers1

2 years later

2 crazy years ago today I decided that I was going to run a half marathon. What was I thinking :-)? Lets recap that day! I had on the wrong shoes, was wearing capris in hot humid weather, didn't know the proper way to fuel, and my training was half way! So, lets just say it was an interesting run! One that I finished, loved, and will never forget! It's impossible to forget that moment of crossing the finish-line knowing you just did something you never even dreamed of! Something I never even thought I was capable of doing!

Welcome to present day! I have now run 8 half marathons, 1 marathon, and countless others for a total of over 50 races. I have realized that my body can do so much more than I ever believed and that I can work and be better and stronger than I ever wanted to believe! Over 100lbs later and countless miles I have gone from running a 2:42 half marathon to best time of 1:44. Today I ran around a 1:51- no PR but I can be nothing but proud. I'm two weeks away from my second marathon and am a better runner than I ever imagined. I now wear the proper shoes, capris only in winter :), and I know how to fuel. I've learned so much about myself in these two years! Through all the sweat- lots of sweat, tons of tears, blisters, and chaffing I have come to know that running is an outlet for me. It's as much physical as mental and something I hold so dear!! I am thankful for each mile!