It's up to me

 

I am always the person who is planning runs with others! I hate running alone! I work out with my trainer 3 days a week. The longest distance I have run alone is maybe 4 in a really long time. I do not mind a short run 3-4 miles alone but other than that is as much physical and working out as it is social for me. Many of my friends run and work out and I enjoy doing the things we love with them. This week I am in Atlanta for the NEA-RA conference and I have been dreading the workouts and running for months. Truly, I considered taking a week off from running and weights for the week I was here. That would mean a week off of marathon training…THAT WOULD NOT BE TOO SMART! On the plane ride here I was sketching out some workouts that I am helping some friends with and was getting so frustrated at the thought of having to work out this week alone. It is hard to explain, I know how to run I have proven that..I have had a trainer for what seems like forever and my friends ask me (yes me…who would have ever thought) for advice…but the thought of having to have a week alone is killer. After much debate on Sunday I knew that I had to run…..it’s in my plan! If I am going to train I have to follow my plan….plan my race, race my plan! I did it (no praise needed!) millions do it every day alone. Why is this alone thing so hard for me??I took a bit of time last night while running to ponder this question. Since day one I have made every choice in my journey for me…some might say selfishly but that’s their opinion. I have done what I have needed to in order to take control of my life…I am not going to let anyone or anything determine my path. Everyone that knows me will agree I am all about social time and I need others to hold me accountable…I am not sure why…why can’t I just do this! Hmmm. I am not sure I have a good answer for that but I do know that as I was running through Olympic Park and past Martin Luther King Jrs birth home I remembered why I started this whole journey. I did this because I was unhappy and ultimately it is up to me. I decide what I put into my mouth…is this candy worth it? I decide do I run today…with others or without! I started this because I wanted a different path. I wanted and want to be healthy and to be happy! I want to feel good about the woman looking back at me in the mirror. Running is the one sport where the only person I am competing with is ME! Every race, every day, every time I tie my shoes, and every first step…the only person who can decide of it is really worth it is me. I am the only part of the equation that does not change by day, by weather, by friendships of the moments, and by races. No matter what anyone else says or thinks I started this for me…and I will sure as heck continue this for me. Many moments throughout this journey I know that they only thing that kept me going was the other people believing in me…but when alone in Atlanta and wanting others to run with me…the only one that is in control and that can make me take that first step is me!

Running in Atlanta has been beautiful! I have seen some amazing things and run some killer hills. Today was a rough one because it was hot and pouring so I was forced to run on the darn TREADMILL! I hate that thing! I have a hatred for that thing that is greater than you know J But I did it! I have even done arms and core on my own! I would not want to always work out alone..or really ever at all but I can!