That Moment

It has been a long time since my last blog post! It seems like life has been a race that I can’t catch up with. I am finally able to sit for a moment and reflect on that moment…that moment that will be forever engraved in my head and heart. That moment I worked my butt of for. That moment I shed tears for. That moment when I saw the finish line! Who knew that in 26.2 miles I would have time to think about so much? I thought about everything and anything. I remember thinking how cold it was, how funny so many of the signs were that people were holding. At mile 13.1 I remember thinking I am really going to do this…. the fat girl is actually going to run in a race farther than 13.1 miles.

 I had it all planned in my head…I would catch up with running club friends before the race see each other off and catch up at the end. I would see Crystal at mile 4, 7, and 13, my friends Randy with running club members around 3 and 11, my friend Kindra somewhere in Chinatown, Jessica near 24, my friend I met at a race Carmelo around 25.5 and my partners in crime at mile 26!  A few of these moments stand out to me! Hugging Randy on the side of the street and seeing his joy and remembering why I am running, seeing Crystals pink hat at mile 7 and thinking, thank god a face I know, struggling in Chinatown and knowing that Kindra was there somewhere and running my heart out because I did not want her to see me in pain. Seeing Jessica toward the end and thinking I can do this as she was screaming at me! Seeing Carmelo who I have only met once and am Face book friends with, screaming my name and finding me of all people as I run the Marathon. Seeing my mom and dad as I rounded the corner and had just a hill in my way before that moment. Then that moment when I saw it…. I saw the word finish and I heard my friends screaming like crazy people from the stands and knew this was it. Seeing these people helped get me through the race! They helped get me to that moment.

I thought I was prepared. I trained, I read a few books, watched a few movies, and had planned my race. I was ready for this race and that moment. I ran well until mile 19 when I had to pee…I waited in line for what seemed like forever. I then made a huge mistake and took my sock off to see how bad the pain was…let me just say my left foot looked like chopped beef! I put my shoe back on and was going to finish.  Miles 19-26.2 were the hardest but also the most rewarding, those last 7.2 miles are the ones where I won the battle within myself. The moments when I knew I could do this I had worked way to hard to stop. I was able to tell myself I was good enough and I am worth something. I had people who came to see me, people who trained with me. I do matter to people. That moment when I believed in myself and knew I have changed. I am better than I ever realized, I am worthy of friends, love, and being happy. I have gone from seeing myself as the fat ugly girl to feeling like I matter to others- and myself, this is the moment I was not expecting. This moment became crystal clear to me when I heard and saw Carmelo screaming my name and I realized…holy crap…people actually like me for me…no matter my jean size, no matter my religion, and no matter how fast I am.  People actually like me because I am me! For so much of this training other people had way more faith in me than I had in myself, but after that moment I realized I knew deep down I could do this I just needed that moment when it was clear to me. Others have a tendency to see my potential long before I do! 

Then I saw it..that word...FINISH! That moment when all of my hard work, all of my tears, blisters, early morning runs, chaffing, and complaints were for! That moment when I BECAME A MARATHONER! That moment when I realized how loved I am, how lucky I am, and how I would want to be in no other place than the here and now! I am so lucky to have the greatest friends, family, and trainer who push me to be the me I do not even know I am possible of yet!! 

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO BELIEVED I COULD BE A MARATHONER BEFORE THAT MOMENT WHEN I CROSSED THE FINISH LINE!!!!