Marathon training

Wow!!!!! is the only word that comes to my mind when I try to describe marathon training! I think this is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. The training is pushing me mentally and physically in ways that I never imagined! My run last week was awful and I wanted to quit at every mile!! I'm so thankful that I know other people training or I would never do this!! I'm looking forward to what I can push myself to accomplish!! I know that I never imagined myself as a marathon runner! Even now when I look in the mirror I don't see it...one day I will! I may not see it until October 7th but hopefully I will.

I want so bad to be completely content with what I see in the mirror...but I'm not sure what that even looks like?!?! When are we ever truly happy as women with what's staring back at us?!? Are we ever?!? I don't know if I have an answer for that! Who defines perfection and does anyone ever reach that! I try every day to tell myself that healthy is the goal, but to whose healthy definition do I follow? What is enough? What is too much? These are the things I think every day and every time I think about food. People have said I'm obsessed and maybe I am, but when you struggle with your weight and food it a constant thought its always in the forefront of your mind. When I'm consistently logging food not only do I think about it as I eat l, but when I log, and then at the end of the day when I check to see if I over ate or was right on! It's a never ending battle one that I am determined to win, buit is a never ending battle!

I have been fluctuating between 162 and 165 forever it seems!! Time to check my fears, insecurities, and self doubt at the door and do this! I'm tying to remind myself that I'm doing this so me and no one else!! This isn't about the picture in the magazine but about me wanting to be the best me I can!! (wow that sounded like a pathetic pinterest quote!) I'm not sure what the ideal me will look like and I'm not sure what the number on the scale should be , but I know I'm not there yet! I will be one day!!!!