A new chapter in my story and when the picture doesn't lie

So here we are, a long time since my last post. So, this journey that I am on is a daily battle within myself to make choices. Choices that I can tell you- I know the answers- I know what to do- I know how to do it. This is not just a battle it truly is a life style.  A life style that has recently fallen to the wayside in most areas. Yes I am still running (well sort of) and working out but when the calories in are more than the calories out you gain weight.  I was in a boot for 4-6 weeks over the summer and that killed my running! In all honestly I had some huge life changes as I do not do well with stress and change- but seriously how long can I use that excuse. I allowed stress to win, crazy to win, and chose to withdraw from the world (this was needed for a time but no longer!). I knew I had gained a few pounds but not the almost 35 that I have now come to accept as of today! Today was another wake up call for me that this is always going to be a struggle for me and I will always have to be conscious of what I am putting into my body. I am not asking for sympathy or anything because I KNOW I CAN AND WILL GET IT OFF. I feel that it is so important to show that this journey is not always flowers, glitter, and rainbows. It is the hardest race I have ever run and one that I will be in for a lifetime!! When your addiction is food it is what you turn to when stressed, happy, celebrating, mourning, hungry, and what not. I have let that win this time because of life- but it has won the battle not the war!!

I am a school teacher and this is the start of the holiday season LORD HELP ME STAY OUT OF THE LOUNGE!!!! I have made it this far in this journey and I am determined to not let food get the best of me!!! I wish I could say that this is only a once in a while struggle but it’s not! It is every meal, every snack, every gathering, everyday! When your crutch is what you need to live it is hard. I wish I was not a foodie I wish I hated sweets. I can see that finding a balance and finding a way to maintain will be hard. I am currently entering crazy mode- I will get to where I want to be ASAP!! I will not let food win this one!! NOT TODAY! NOT TOMORROW! NOT EVER!! Stress, being busy, being lazy- yep those are my excuses- well not anymore!! It is time to put back on my big girl panties and get serious again. This roller coaster journey is coming out of the dark time and rising back to the top. I want to be the best and healthiest I can because I feel better, look better, am a better friend, and am capable of anything! I can't get to Boston in this shape!! 

Here is to a new beginning!! I am writing my story, my way, and with the ending I want!! One of me healthy, happy, and not giving in! 

Here you are all my friends that want to say “no you have not gained weight” I beg to differ with you and the picture does not lie!!

The left is me at my lowest about 155 last September- the right is the most recent at about 190 

A new grade a new perspective

As this journey has contined I have learned so much about myself and others. I know some people think I'm crazy and have totally lost my mind, others push me to the breaking point, some ask me to experience new challenges(100 mile bike rides, swimming, ultras), and some join me for this ride. I've met people in the most unexpected places(Atlanta, through Facebook, the gym, church) and realized that people accept and like me for what they see- not what I think I see! I can't help that I post and blog about my passions, successes, and struggles. I'm not sorry for that. I'm simply showing that this can be done but im not sugar coating the commitment, time, tears, pain, blisters, chaffing, and emotional changes it will take. I've changed and I know that...I've lost connections with some and need to fix that.

 This journey is and has been full of ups, downs, and unforgettable life changing experiences who make me who am today. 6 years ago I was a scared girl who was afraid of what her 4th grade students were saying about her. I heard them, they called me fat, huge, gigantic. Kids are mean- but honest. I remember a student asking me if I always ate chips for breakfast...wow! The answer? Yes! They saw my every move and they judged it. I was so scared to have fun with my students at times and let loose because I knew they made fun of me sometimes. I have always given 100% to job but I can say that I'm better now than I was. I'm now a better example to students, a better role model, more self confident, and so much happier. Most know that I was moved to first grade this year- I know that I would not have handled it very well 5-6 years ago. I didn't believe in myself!  But, now I take challenges head on. I now think I've run a marathon, an ultra marathon, and biked 100 miles through 3 states- 1st grade bring it on! I love nothing more than the excitement in my kids eyes when surprise them in gym and run laps with them, when I jump rope outside, and when I swing(I can actually fit on the swing!) next to them and we talk about the latest episode of Phineasas and Ferb they watched. The moments I can now experience with them without fear. Kids will always be brutally honest but I can now take it :) no fear. I'm still it always the most confident but man I'm better than I've ever been. 

Ms Rogers dressing up for the 100th day :) 

I'm not sure what this new year will bring. Yes I'm working loosing a bit more weight- I'm back down to 156- more pounds to go but it will happen!

 My hope is to be more selfless this year. Do things for others because of the joy it will bring them! Experience little moments with my friends. Allow myself to be pushed and challenged professionally and physically. Slow down and not miss the small successes when I still see the muffin top and extra skin. Allow people to get to know me without the walls be thankful for the new friendships I'm finding in a place that feels like home! 

I'm going to live in the moment and try to see things more simply- like a 1st grader!

A friend recently said something to me that at the time I blew off- I was asked "aren't you worth it? Aren't you better

Than that? The answer then I couldn't give- now I can say yup!!! I'm not perfect and don't have all the answers but one thing is for sure- 

No time for negative Nancy- only positive Paulies! 

Welcome to 2014- no where but healthier from here

What a year 2013 was! I ran my second marathon, ran the biggest 10k in the country, have the worlds greatest supporters and found that I enjoy getting muddy in mud races. Well, one might ask what's in store in 2014?? Im not completely sure but here is what I know:

This is how far I've come! 

But more work is needed and I was not good over the holidays- so I know this- moving on and making better choices! 

 

*Continue operation kill my muffin top!! I have gained a few pounds- ok 6 maybe 7 depending on the day. No biggie most would say but I have not lost over 100 for nothing and I refuse to undo years of hard work! I just got a fitbit and am pretty excited to use it and to finish this crazy ride with getting to 135!!! 

*im going to run a marathon on my birthday!! Not only is it on my birthday but in my favorite city in the world!! ST. Louis!! ' Woohoo! I and her ironman husband convinced my friend Beth that a marathon was a good idea! Lol she may hate me by the end of this ;-) 

*Continue to work my butt off at the gym giving everything I do my all!! I want to become stronger and leaner this year! 

*Make sure I make time for me in the midst of my busy life

*Make time for my friends!! Old and New!! Remember it's not all about running and racing- enjoy each other outside of these things! 

*Try a dinner club- see if I can force my friends to commit to one night a month 

So here it is!!! The muffin top- this photo is of me about 5lbs lighter than I am now but this what has got to go! I know and understand that I have 100lbs of skin but I can and will tighten and firm this sucker more than ever before this year!! No girl wants that hanging over every pair of pants!!! So there it is 2014- my inner demon the reveal of the muffin top!!! It will get small! It has shrunk! It was one called the monster but is not a little monster but needs to be an itty bitty monster!!! So all my friends if it's bad for me and I'm about to eat it- knock it out of my hands!!!