Reflection

As I sit here and reflect on this year it is almost unreal to me. I can not believe what a year it as been. From finding my groove in running, making the most unbelievable friends a girl could ask for (and not forgetting the ones I already had), running a sub 25 minute 5k, running a marathon, and two days ago an ultramarathon. Yes, you are reading that right...me Stephanie, is an ULTRAMARATHONER!!!!!! Please give me a minute to scream, jump, and dance!!! For those of you that do not know what an ultramarathon is in a 31 mile run. Now most people would think ok no problem after a marathon but you see my friends go big or go home. This was no road race ultramarathon, nope this was 31 miles in snow and cold through the woods, up the hills, sliding, slipping, crazy BIG FUN!!  :-) I can not believe it myself. I never imagined myself running, let alone a marathon and farther.  I think that before I am ready to decide what is next in 2013 I have to remind myself what a year it has been...I have shaved almost 5 minutes off of my 5k time, run a half marathon in under 2 hours, lost over 40 pounds this year, and become a marathon runner! Here it is a year in pictures.

This is a 5k one year ago tomorrow...look at the time! 30:55

This is me one year ago tomorrow! 

Current 

PR 5k

Marathon for the cutest kid in the world! 

Nothing but fun in running :-)

Latest adventure- ultramarathon- 31 miles!! 

Enough

I sometimes wonder if when I reach my goal if it will be enough. Originally I wanted to be under 200lbs, then it was I want to loose 50lbs. Now its I want to be in the 150's somewhere. Ultimately I want to be in the 140 range....but will that be enough? Am I ever going to be happy with what I see in the mirror? Will I ever not see the fat unhappy girl? I am not sure I have an answer for these questions but these are the things that are weighing heavy for me today. As a woman in today's world we see celebrities who look "perfect" all around us, if they are not "perfect" then they are endorsing a weight loss pill, Weight Watchers, or they have created their own diet line. Is it ever enough for anyone? I watch my fourth graders everyday compare themselves with each other and clothing labels- THEY ARE IN THE 4th GRADE!!!! I do not remember feeling like that until junior high. I wonder why we can not be happy with who we are and what we have. At what size will I be happy, at what weight will I feel pretty, when is this work enough? I am a generally happy, crazy, fun, adventure seeking, and loving person. Their are times when I feel like the old me. Times that I look in the mirror and cry...why?? I have come so far and I have a journey I can look back on and be proud of. Why is it so darn hard to be happy as I am? My goal is to find peace with who I am and what I am doing in life. I want to find an inner strength and happiness with whatever is thrown my way no matter my jean size. It is not going to be easy...I have a lot of old baggage, negative self talk, and some old memories that I can not erase. But, what I can do is attempt everyday to use that garbage as a strength and a reason to be who I never thought I could be.


And it is easy to believe you are not good enough if you listen to everybody else.
Mackenzie Astin 
 

It's not vanity to feel you have a right to be beautiful. Women are taught to feel we're not good enough, that we must live up to someone else's standards. But my aim is to cherish myself as I am.
Elle Macpherson 


I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.
Ken Venturi 
If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.
Michael Jordan 
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